'American Idol' recap: Nice Guys Finish First
While the show treats the Lee-vs.-Crystal showdown as a supporting plotline to Simon's farewell party, it's the performances by current and former contestants that make the telecast worth watching
Eleven weeks ago, Crystal Bowersox took to the American Idol stage and sang seven little words that are reverberating in my brain after her not-totally-unsurprising loss to Lee DeWyze during tonight's season 9 finale: ''You can't always get what you want.''
And it's true. At the end of 43 episodes, with Simon Cowell's body now joining his mind, heart, and soul on a rocketship called The X Factor, it's hard to say that season 9 came down the chimney and left everything under the tree that we'd put on our list. The producers kept giving us pairs of drab socks and ill-fitting sweaters in the form of tired themes like Inspirational Ballads and Songs of the Cinema. The Top 12 struggled mightily to serve the kind of upper-case ''Moments'' that Melinda Doolittle and Elliott Yamin and Bo Bice cooked up with casual regularity in seasons past. And frankly, we didn't exactly hang the stockings by the chimney with care ourselves. How else to explain those early-season votes that kept Lilly Scott and Katelyn Epperly and Alex Lambert from making it to the season 9 finals? (Cue Ryan Seacrest's chiding remarks about the need to call or text for one's favorites!)
But of course, the Rolling Stones track that Crystal was covering back in Top 12 Week ends on a more optimistic note, and whether you found yourself rooting for the dreadlocked Ohio earth goddess or the humble Chicago rocker dude, it's worth completing the thought: ''But if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.''
Lee and Crystal certainly did. Both contestants scored a customized Ford Fiesta — don't go all Oprah's Favorite Things crazy at once! — and their deals for major-label debut albums are already a foregone conclusion. Without the Idol machine, our chances of discovering original works by these talented upstarts would've probably been limited to one-in-a-lucky-YouTube-search or a random coffeehouse encounter.
So, yeah, I could feed my outrage by remembering that Lee's Tuesday-night performance finale was not the work of someone who's ready to carry on the tradition of vocal spotlessness forged by Kelly Clarkson all the way through to Kris Allen. But what would be the point? America has spoken — and it spoke on behalf of a guy who, when he wasn't hindered by strict themes, chose Hinder and Owl City and U2 and Snow Patrol and Seal, who got lauded by the judges as ''commercial'' and ''current,'' and who is certainly better than the abysmal ''Beautiful Day'' that ended his run of mostly solid performances over the last 14 weeks. He's a guy who botched a few notes along the way, but who sounds like Pavarotti when you line him up against Travis Garland or Ke$ha or a half-dozen of the other woeful chart-toppers who graced the Idol stage this season.
NEXT: Fighting for the spotlight
So here's hoping Lee continues to ''show growth,'' to wash off that patina of nervousness that's always seemed to creep up for a few weeks when he's faced with a new and scary obstacle. And here's hoping he wasn't as close to vomiting as he looked tonight while waiting with a relaxed and smiling Crystal for Ryan to take the envelope from British Dude from Company You've Never Heard Of and deliver the verdict. Here's hoping he was able to relax and bask in that shower of sparks and streamers and lasers and confetti — so much freakin' confetti! — that rained down on him while he closed the show tonight with his debut single. I know it's got to sting a little that Fox cut him off before he'd finished, but that's not surprising, seeing how year after year, the production seems to put less and less emphasis on contestants and their performances in favor of letting the judges yammer incessantly.
And there are reasons to be happy even for those of us who were doing the ''Bow-Er-Sox'' chant tonight and hoping that Crystal's glorious Tuesday-night rendition of ''Up to the Mountain (MLK Song)'' might help her reverse the momentum shift of the last few weeks and snatch the season 9 crown. After all, if any single individual outside of Mr. Cowell was given the star treatment tonight, it was MamaSox, who got major moments alongside Joe Cocker and Alanis Morisette, while Lee got his mic muted, then stuck with some grandpappies who treated him like a slow-moving stage-hand. But hey, when you're a member of the Top 2 and it's the season finale, sometimes, you've gotta channel your inner boxer and fight for that spotlight.
"Tonight is about Crystal and Lee," Ryan announced just before 10 p.m. ET, oblivious to the fact that their names had barely been acknowledged during the previous hour. Instead we got ''comic'' tributes to departing judge Simon Cowell that ranged in awfulness from a rehash of Simon-and-Randy-in-bed footage to a smokin' hot but rambling Paula Abdul making moob jokes until Debbie the Stage Manager probably started debating whether or not to end things mercifully with a quick and painless tranquilizer dart.
NEXT: Grading the performances
But enough about all that nonsense. Let's review and grade each of tonight's musical performances:
Alice Cooper, Orianthi, and the Season 9 Top 12, ''School's Out for Summer'' Regardless of how you felt about the performance, let's just be thankful there was a reason Lee looked like he was dressed like a Gryffindor hall monitor and Crystal like she was ready to face off against Britney Spears for an unexpected sing-off of ''...Baby One More Time.'' Yep, all the Idol kids channeled their inner prep-schoolers, but unfortunately, the vocals sounded like a weird mix of canned and organic — the vocal equivalent of a Semi-Homemade With Sandra Lee recipe — a badly mixed soufflé of Cooper's sandpaper-y growl (which cut in and out of the mix at varying intervals), Lacey Brown's feathery warble, and Glam Nation tour opener Orianthi wailing away on her axe. I'm not exactly sure what in zombie teen hell was going on with the gaggle of smudged-eyed backup dancers, except that they seemed more a distraction than a necessary artistic decision. C-
Kris Allen, ''The Truth'' Barring the introductory gaffe in which Ryan Seacrest's mic stayed live through the opening few bars, Kris Allen's big TV debut of his new summer single was absolute perfection. Clad in a black, zipper-y shirt-jacket, Kris squeezed every bit of emotion from this heartbreaking ballad about a marriage on life support, yet also chose to play around with the melody a little to the delight of hardcore fans who've had the track in steady rotation since his album hit stores last November. And make no mistake: Kris Allen's band is as tight and muscular as Ryan Reynolds' abs. A
Siobhan Magnus, Aaron Kelly, and the Bee Gees, ''How Deep Is Your Love'' On paper, this mashup made about as much sense as combining toothpaste, orange juice, and warm milk, but I'm pleased to report the results were far less unsettling. Sure, the arrangement was ripped straight from a dentist's office waiting room, and yeah, Siobhan deserved a more rockin', raucous finale moment, but everybody sang in tune, and the brothers Gibb seemed rather enamored of the Glassblower's pipes. Plus, you've got to at least give chutzpah points to Aaron Kelly for daring to wear a purple leather shirt. B
Michael Lynche and Michael McDonald, ''Takin' It to the Streets'' A prime example of what happens when Idol producers randomly grab one component from Column A (''Oh! Look what baby-boomer fave is willing to sing tonight!'') with one from Column B (''Hey, Big Mike doesn't have a duet scheduled yet!'') and end up with rote, workmanlike results. The arrangement proved a little too high for Michael's vocal range, and the partnership had all the intimacy and connectedness of an office drone and a restaurant delivery guy sharing a skyscraper elevator at lunchtime. C+
NEXT: Live and soulful FTW
Dane Cook's musical tribute to Simon's best zingers To his credit, the comedian patched together quite a few Simon soundbites that still resonate today, but if I'm being honest, said zingers would've scored more laughs if we'd heard 'em coming straight from the British judge's mouth. By the time the Brittenum Twins, Norman Gentle, Tatiana del Toro, Ian Bernardo, and the ''Brothers Forever'' dude emerged from beneath the rock of well-earned obscurity to squabble over the microphone, I was praying for the sweet relief of another commercial break. As a commenter named pupperduck declare during my Idol live-blog: ''Of all of Idol's sins, giving these people more airtime is the deadliest.'' Amen! D-
The Top 6 Women of Season 9 with brief holleration from Christina Aguilera, ''Beautiful''/''Fighter'' Okay, so that much-hyped ''season of the ladies''? If Paige Miles had sung this well during her brief Idol run, and if Siobhan Magnus had found melodies this lovely to showcase that unique voice of hers, well, let's just say the Top 5 might've played out very differently. Yes, some sadist in the wardrobe department stuffed the gals into a variety of tight, studded garbage bags, and okay, we really could've lived without a Katie Stevens hip-wriggle, but this performance was an Idoloonie's dream: Current, exciting, and showcasing the contestants at their best. And who'd have thunk MamaSox would be such a natural fit with a Top 40 power ballad? Proof positive that if Idol continues with group performances next season, live and soulful always trumps soulless and pre-recorded. A-
Christina Aguilera, ''You Lost Me'' It wasn't ''Pants on the Ground.'' It was more like ''Pants Left in the Dressing Room'' as Xtina emerged in sparkly tights and some skivvies. Yet while there was perhaps two times the amount of necessary melisma on her performance of this new ballad, Christina nonetheless proved that her instrument is as formidable as ever — and certainly worth celebrating in these Auto-Tuned times. Tell me again why Perez Hilton seems to be on a daily campaign to hurl her career into the musical dumpster? B+
The Top 6 Men of Season 9 with Hall & Oates, ''I Can't Go for That''/''Maneater''/''You Make My Dreams Come True'' Indubitably Lee's finest vocal moment from the two-night finale also brought us with his jauntiest outfit in weeks — snazzy blue jacket and tie! It's just a shame he had to turn over the mic so quickly to the likes of Andrew Garcia and Aaron Kelly (who's way too innocent to have a solo on ''Maneater''), and that all of the guys were saddled with such goofy choreography. Further points deducted from the fact that once Hall & Oates hit the stage, the Idol dudes were reduced to swaying, wooh-hoohing backup singers. Oh, and random question: When should we expect the Tim Urban bidding war between ABC Family and The CW begin? Or did Fox keep him largely hidden from view tonight because they want him all for themselves? Discuss! B-
NEXT: Isn't it ironic?
Crystal Bowersox and Alanis Morissette, ''Ironic''/''You Oughtta Know'' Tonight's finale was worth watching just to hear MamaSox forced to family-friendly-ize ''Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in a theater?'' to ''Is she perverted like me? Would she go down WITH you TO THE theater?'' Vocally, the latter track was a blast, but I've got to be honest: With both ladies sweeping across the stage like frantic Olympic curlers, it didn't really allow them to forge much of an on-stage bond. Then again, at least these tracks were written and produced in the last 20 years — and served to loosen the evening's Golden-Oldies chokehold for a few merciful minutes. B+
Carrie Underwood, "Undo It" I was always Team Bo back in season 4, but Carrie was a total rock star tonight, ripping through her country stomper and not getting upstaged by her spotlight-stealing fiddle player. Plus, Idol's country MVP did it all while sporting a daring metallic shrug that was the evening's jauntiest look. Anyone know how much money goes to co-writer Kara DioGuardi if I spend the $1.29 to download it today? A-
Casey James and Bret Michaels, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" True confession: I am not the biggest fan of Poison's oeuvre, nor did I ever become completely consumed by Casey's goat-bleat vocal style. But frankly, watching these two guys share the stage tonight on a cheesy-good power ballad, it struck me that this should be the template for all contestant-MVP collaborations during Idol season finales, and not just because Michaels gamely made an appearance after suffering from a ''warning stroke'' and brain hemorrhage within the last few weeks. Nope, what was special about this duet was its collaborative nature. A-
Lee DeWyze and Chicago, "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is"/''If You Leave Me Now''/''25 or 6 to 4'' In a moment of pure Ken Warwick ridiculousness, the eventual champ was forced to play with an aging nostalgia act just because they share a name with his hometown. Rated R...for Random! This would be like making MamaSox perform with Crystal Gayle because they share a name as well. Poor Lee looked and sounded utterly lost in a sea of horns and vocals in which nobody else seemed remotely interested in making eye contact, let alone throwing him a life preserver. C-
General Larry Platt and William Hung, ''Pants on the Ground'' Yikes. Didn't anyone notice the mid-March expiration date on this carton of curdled comedy? And is anyone still laughing at the stuff-the-Asian-kid-with-the-''funny''-accent-into-the-locker shtick? Nah, I didn't think so. F
Kelly, Ruben, Fantasia, Carrie, Taylor, Jordin, Kris, and dozens of Idol alumni (featuring Allison ''The Rocker'' Iraheta), ''Together We Are One'' Color me slightly stupefied by the decision to pack the stage with that much vocal firepower, and then turn it all loose on a song that would make ''We're Brothers Forever'' seem radio-ready. I mean, there was time for Dane Cook, but barely 10 seconds to feature individual vocal moments from some of the greatest singers this show has produced during its nine seasons?
All griping aside though, I'm not going to pretend it didn't warm my heart to see that much Idol talent packed onto one stage. Let Idol naysayers dismiss the show as a silly karaoke competition, but if you couldn't look on that stage tonight and find at least three artists who've produced albums or singles that you genuinely love, then you probably hate music! Talent: A; Performance: B-
NEXT: Lend me your earsJanet Jackson, ''Again''/''Nasty''/''Nothing'' Miss Jackson certainly knows how to make an entrance — her cropped hair and dramatic black duster were total show-stoppers — and the dancing Rorschachs were pretty cool. But if you're going to perform on a show that celebrates the notion of unearthing the nation's best undiscovered singing talent, I think you should leave the backing track at home and show us what you're working with. Which means I've got to split the grade: Audio: C; Visuals: A
"With a Little Help from My Friends," Crystal, Lee, and Joe Cocker Not sure what the heck happened to Lee's audio during this performance, but I actually started to feel a little uncomfortable the way his vocals seemed to be adjusted so they could only be heard by canines and a small sample of aquatic mammals. Still, the performance was a smashing success if you thought of it only as a raw duet between Cocker and a clearly elated MamaSox. The way Crystal's voice soared as she riffed on the melody tonight may have been her finest moment since ''Natural Woman'' in Hollywood Week. And while I know the execs at 19 are going to want to pair up Crystal with Ryan Tedder and Max Martin and their hit-making ilk, here's hoping they let her get her groove on with the occasional blues-rock legend when she heads into the studio. A-
What did you think of the season 9 finale? Did the right person win it all? How excited/outraged did you feel about the conclusion? What did you think of Simon's send-off? And which finale-night performance were your favorite/least favorite? Sound off
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Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time.
Have a great day,
Tommy
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